How to Follow Through on Instructions
Following instructions is an essential skill for a successful childhood. Children don't always listen, and many parents resort to nagging, yelling, threatening, or just giving up. The three-step prompting method is a simple way to follow through on your instructions.
Goal
Overview
Do you ever feel like a broken record when telling your child to do something? Does it feel like your instructions go in one ear and out the other? Does your child seem to drag their feet to complete simple tasks? It can be frustrating and exhausting when your child does not listen. You might resort to yelling, threatening to take away privileges, or giving up and completing the task yourself.
Following instructions is an essential skill for a successful childhood. It not only improves the relationship between your child and you and other authority figures (like teachers, adult family members, etc.), it also lays the foundation for a successful adulthood. It is important to follow through on instructions that you give your child, but you may not know exactly how to do that. Here you will learn a simple three-step method that will help you follow through on instructions without raising your hand, voice, or even your blood pressure.
Method
The three-step prompting method starts when you give your child an instruction. It should be used for instructions that your child must follow. This method consists of three basic steps.
Give the instruction.
There are a few things to keep in mind when you give an instruction. (Refer to giving effective instructions for more details.)
Be Close
You should be close enough to your child to make eye contact and to be heard at a conversational volume.
Be Direct
Using brief, direct language, tell your child what you would like them to do.
Give One Step
Limit instructions to one step, even if the task requires multiple steps.
Avoid Questions
Avoid phrasing the instruction as a question.
Wait approximately 5 seconds.
Wait for your child to acknowledge the instruction and begin to complete the task. During this time, do not say anything else or repeat the instruction.
If the task is completed:
Provide specific and enthusiastic praise for completing the task. Do not proceed to step 3! Click the video link below to see a demonstration.
If your child does not comply within 5 seconds:
Repeat the instruction while demonstrating what your child should do. For example, pick up the block and say, “Pick up the block like this; you do it.”
Wait approximately 5 more seconds.
Again, this is for your child to complete the task after you model it. Remain quiet during this time.
If the task is completed:
Provide specific and enthusiastic praise for completing the task.
In the video below, Adrianna puts away her folder after her mom shows her what to do (Step 2). Notice how her mom provides praise and then moves on to the next task.
If your child does not comply within 5 seconds:
Place your hand over your child’s hand to gently guide the child to complete the task.
In the video below, Adrianna does not listen to her mom’s instruction. Watch how her mom calmly proceeds through the 3 steps to ensure that she follows through.
Helpful Tips Regarding Guidance:
- Physical guidance allows the child to successfully complete the task and can show the child how to complete a new task or skill.
- Say little (nothing would be better) except for the description of the task while physically prompting your child to complete it. For example, say, “This is picking up the block.” Do not provide enthusiastic praise—you are really just acknowledging that they did it with your assistance.
Challenges
My child is moving away or running away when I give the instruction.
Consider the importance of the task and whether it is a must-do or nice-to-do task. For tasks that your child must do, bring the task closer to your child or move your child closer to it. Remove tempting items or activities from the area. For tasks that would be nice to do, but are not necessary, present them as a choice and honor their choice. In other words, if you present the task as a choice (e.g., “Would you like to feed the dog?”) and your child says “No,” do not make them do it.
My child resists physical guidance.
This procedure should only be used for must-do tasks. If physical guidance really aggravates your child or is not easily doable, restrict access to preferred items and activities until your child has completed the task independently to your satisfaction. Additional strategies for increasing motivation for task follow-through, such as a first-then reward system, can be helpful.
My child thinks physical prompts are funny or a game.
Limit eye contact when using physical guidance. Only give the instruction and avoid commenting on the situation. Keep a neutral tone when you state the instruction.
Practice
Prepare
Create a list of tasks with which you could use the three-step prompting method.
Apply
Choose one task to practice using three-step prompting.
Repeat
Practice at least once a day over the next week.
Next Steps
Introduce new one-step tasks.
Once parent and child are familiar with the three-step prompting process, additional tasks may be introduced.
Introduce multi-step tasks.
This strategy may then be used to prompt each step of a multi-step task (e.g., putting away several toys, getting dressed). Start by breaking the multi-step task into distinct steps and cue each step using three-step prompting.