Self-Soothing Approach
Self-soothing is one of the more commonly recommended procedures for bedtime problems, and for good reason!
It is very effective.
Self-soothing is a very valuable skill. It may be tempting to help your child calm down, but it can interfere with their learning if you are always there to soothe them.Unfortunately, in the beginning, your child may cry for a very long time, and that can be really hard. You may be tempted to return to their room to check on or even comfort them. Please resist this urge.
If you go into the room, you are essentially teaching them that the amount of time they have been crying is how long it takes to get you to come and sooth them. And it prevents them from learning to do it on their own. If this is not something you think you can do, that’s okay! This approach is not for everyone. Instead, you can try the Parent-Led Soothing Approach below. If you want to try self-soothing, it is pretty simple. Once you leave the room, do not go back in.
Make sure your child has everything they need for sleep before you leave.
This could include their lovey, blanket, a bedtime kiss, the chance to go to the bathroom, etc.).
Consider investing in a video monitoring system.
This could be useful if you are worried about your child getting hurt or sick. You can, of course, enter the room if there is ever a safety concern; just know that these are rare.
Ignore any attempts to get you back into the room.
Your child may do things other than cry to get you back in the room, such as trying to negotiate, plead, or bargain with you.
Hearing your child cry can be distressing or frustrating.
Move as far from your child’s room as possible so it is not so loud, distract yourself with something like watching TV or reading a book, and/or use a self-calming strategies to manage distress.
If you are unable to let your child cry for a few nights:
Visit the parent-led soothing approach instead.